The Magical Tale of Herman
by kevin3485
Summary: I finally wrote in story format. Hooray. Truthfully, it's not all that funny. It's just a little too cutesy for me, and I wrote it. Read and review.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. (I've decided to bring back a favorite from my first fanfic, Anime Therapy. You should probably read the first chapter before this, just so you get all the jokes and references. However, if you want to read the rest of the chapters, that would be cool.)  
  
The Magical Tale of Herman  
  
Vegeta was a happy child. He loved to laugh. I know that's hard to believe compared to the ruthless killer we know today, but it was true. He would spend days exploring the Planet Vegeta. And why shouldn't he. I mean, he's named after the planet. But that's besides the fact.  
  
One day, while exploring, Vegeta came across a lake that he had never seen before. He decided to check it out. While exploring the lake, he came across a goldfish who had been washed up on to the shore. Being a lover of animals, Vegeta was worried about the safety of the goldfish. He wanted to help this poor goldfish, but to throw him back into the lake while it was still weak would not give it a fair fight against the bigger fish. So Vegeta pulled out a water bottle that he had always carried with him when he went out exploring away from the palace. He dumped the water out, scoop up some fresh lake water, and put the goldfish in the water bottle. He ran as fast as his little 10 year old legs could run.  
  
When he got home, he ran into the kitchen, grabbed a bowl, filled it with water, and dumped the goldfish in. He sneaked the goldfish to his room as his father would never allow him to have a pet. You should have seen what he did with the puppy that followed Vegeta home from school. Boy, that was not pretty. Have you ever a puppy blown into smithereens in one shot? Not pretty at all. Just thinking about it makes me sick. But that's not important.  
  
Vegeta kept the goldfish as his own faithful pet. He had tried for days to think of a name. He finally decided on Herman, a name that any goldfish would proud of. Herman was always there for Vegeta, as his father rarely was.  
  
Some time later, Vegeta tried to get his father to spend some time with him.  
  
"Daddy, can we go to the park today?" asked Vegeta.  
  
"Sorry, son. Frieza's all up my ass about something," came the response that crushed Vegeta's heart.  
  
"Oh, okay," Vegeta had turned to leave, but his curiosity had been plaguing him ever since sex ed. "Daddy?"  
  
"Yeah, what?" inquired the disgruntled king.  
  
"Is Frieza a guy or a girl?"  
  
King Vegeta thought on this for a while. "Well, son, I don't know. I think he's a guy. But then why would he sound like such a sissy? Maybe he's gay. But what kind of ruler is gay."  
  
"Michael Jackson, the king of pop," Frieza said, appearing out of nowhere.  
  
"Who?" King Vegeta had never heard of this person cause, well, he lived on a different planet.  
  
"I mean, uh... I'm not gender-specific," yelled the pissed off Changeling.  
  
"Uh, for the record, we are gender specific. You're just gay," replied the ultra-cool Cooler.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here?" asked Frieza.  
  
"I'm doing some scouting. Looking for some planets to conquer. Heard you were in the neighborhood so I couldn't help but come here to give you something."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
Cooler grabs his younger brother in a headlock and starts to give him the worst noogie in his entire life.  
  
"Ahh, you bastard. That hurts," Frieza screamed in pain.  
  
"Haha, later... fag," and with that Cooler left.  
  
"I'll get him back for that."  
  
"Excuse me but what are you doing here?" inquired the, as usual, confused king.  
  
"I came to talk business with you. I need a planet taken over. I was wondering if you had any people just lying around that I could use."  
  
"Well, let's go to my office and discuss this," King Vegeta was starting to leave when he noticed a tug at his cloak. "Sorry kid, not today. I've got work to do."  
  
"Ok," said the dejected prince. He ran to his room quickly before the tears started to roll down his face. He didn't want his father knowing that he was a little bit of a cry baby. He got into his room and laid face down on his bed, crying his little eyes out.  
  
"Hm.. what's the problem, kid," said a strange voice that had startled Vegeta.  
  
"Who's there?"  
  
"I'm right here. In the bowl," unknowingly to Vegeta, Herman had the ability to speak.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Well, my real name is hard for you to pronounce, but you can continue to call me Herman."  
  
"How can you talk?"  
  
"What's with all the questions? I thought you were the one with the problem."  
  
"Well, my father keeps ignoring me. He spends most his time talking to all these pathetic rulers or people who want planets destroyed."  
  
"Hmm... well, that sounds like a dilly of a pickle. But I have the answer. You just need to give your father a little space."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, would you like it if you always had a 3-foot tall ape hanging on your leg every part of the day, always wanting attention?"  
  
"I guess not. But that sounded kind of mean."  
  
"Of course it did. I'm no ordinary goldfish. I'm a mighty warrior goldfish."  
  
Suddenly, the door burst open, and Vegeta was caught mid sentence.  
  
"What's going on? Who are you talking to?" King Vegeta then notices the bowl with the fish. "I thought I told you no pets."  
  
"But Daddy, he's no ordinary goldfish. He's magic." That comment made King Vegeta stare at his son with the same look he has when he watches Riverdance. "And he's a mighty warrior goldfish, Daddy."  
  
"What do you need a goldfish for?"  
  
"Well, you're never around and I needed someone to talk to and--"  
  
"No son of mine will divulge his problems unto a goldfish." With that, King Vegeta snatched up the bowl and started walking methodically towards the bathroom.  
  
"What are you going to do daddy?" Vegeta was scared. He hadn't been this scared since his dad shot the puppy. Oh God, the horror. But Vegeta pleaded with his father to not hurt Herman. However, his pleas fell on deaf ears as King Vegeta dumped the contents of the bowl into the toilet and flushed mercilessly. Vegeta screamed in horror as his only friend went swirling down the drain. To this day, Vegeta never forgot the last words of Herman.  
  
"That bastard. Vegeta, avenge my death."  
  
That night, Vegeta cried his heart out in the throne room. He thought he would be alone, but sometime during the night Frieza came in.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"My father killed my best friend."  
  
"Do you want revenge Vegeta?"  
  
"Well, not really, but Herman told me to avenge him. So I don't think I have a choice."  
  
"Then join me, and we will make him pay."  
  
And that is how the pact between Frieza and Vegeta was made. And I'm sure you know the rest of the story.  
  
I intended that to be more funny than it actually was. Oh well, I'm some what proud of this sappy story. Actually its more funny ironic than it is funny comedy. I mean, Vegeta's kind of a pussy in this story. Well, review this story, then, if you have nothing better to do, check out my other stories. 


End file.
